


How to Catch a Trickster

by notallthosewhowanderarelost



Category: Norse Mythology
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Mythology - Freeform, Poor Loki, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 11:27:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5046751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notallthosewhowanderarelost/pseuds/notallthosewhowanderarelost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A retelling of the Norse myth of Baldur's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Catch a Trickster

Looking out the window of the Norse pantheon’s castle, Loki bleakly watches the other gods and goddesses stream towards the building. He still thinks that the gargoyles by the entrance are a bit much. Hmmm, maybe I’ll make one fall on Odin’s head…no, better wait a week. Sif is still mad that I cut her hair off, even though I fixed it and everything! And Odin is kind of protective of her, since she is his daughter-in-law, though it seems like a silly thing to be mad about. So…next week. It’s time for the biweekly meeting about whatever psychotic elf or feral giant is pillaging the pathetic mortals this time, but since the others only take Loki’s advice when they want some kind of favor from him, the meetings can get very tedious. There are only so many variations on “smash it with Thor’s hammer” that Loki can take before he starts feeling homicidal. He’s not sure why they care about the mortals anyway, though it is nice to be worshiped. Sadly, Frigga says that the mortals will realize the gods aren’t actually immortal deities in a few millennia. She’s Odin’s wife and a prophetess, so everyone believes her even though she’s usually right only seventy percent of the time. I’ve done extensive research. It’s actually 69.426 percent, but I decided to be nice and round up. I had to check because she has made some rather ugly prophecies about me, and I’m really hoping they are in the 30.574 percent where she is completely, embarrassingly, utterly wrong. Anyway. The gods aren’t immortal, and they aren’t really gods either, they just are extra powerful and long-lived people who live in a magical world and like pretending they can do anything. And then there’s Loki. No one is quite sure what Loki is—half-giant, shapeshifter, magician, incredibly annoying but somehow adorable (My wife came up with that one), and who knows what else.   
Baldur the Good and the Bright and the Glorious opens the meeting with a personal matter. And of course, because he is everyone’s favorite, the other gods and goddesses listen with concern as Baldur tells them about his recent nightmares. There is enough of a chance that Baldur inherited some of his mother’s, Frigga’s, prophetic abilities that everyone is quickly convinced that his nightmares are portents of his imminent demise. I think he’s overreacting, but I suppose Baldur is one of the more tolerable gods and it would be annoying if he died. He usually comes up with the most sensible ideas, even if he is a bit too eager to think the best of everyone.   
Frigga stands with a great deal of attempted dignity and addresses the group. “As some of you know, I have been searching for a path to immortality, and I believe that I have a solution to Baldur’s dilemma. I will go and ask every creature, plant, and object that could possibly harm Baldur to swear never to hurt him. Then he will be safe from whatever it is that is fated to kill him, and we will be a step closer to immortality for us all. I am afraid that this method will not work more than once, but we will have proved that immortality is achievable, and I will keep searching.”  
Loki sighs loudly and stands up. “Frigga, I’ve been telling you for months; immortality is not a good idea. I know you want to protect Baldur, and living forever sounds great and wonderful right now, but we are meant to die. That’s how the world works. Just think for a minute: if you manage to make Baldur immortal, but not the rest of us, then he will have to watch everyone he knows die and he won’t be able to do anything about it and he’ll end up alone and useless. Is that what you want? If we become immortal too, then we will have to live with the fact that we can’t die. Life is only worth living if you have some kind of goal, and what is the point of fighting over things that will be gone in a few hundred years, or meeting people who will die much sooner than that. We don’t even know that Baldur’s dreams are prophetic, and if they are, then prophetic means it will happen no matter what we do to try to stop it from happening. Please, show some sense for once and listen to me.” Oops, that last bit might have been a bit too much. She looks mad.   
“Odin, do I have your permission to go on this quest?” Frigga asks icily.  
Glaring at Loki, Odin nods, and all of the other gods and goddesses silently support the angry pair by trying to create holes in Loki with their glares. And Thor reaches stealthily for his hammer. Loki rolls his eyes and leaves. There is no arguing with the others once Thor threatens to smash someone. Thor has a one-track mind, and everyone knows it’s best to just stay out of the way, because he isn’t always very cautious about who he is attacking.  
That went well. Not. I don’t think Frigga will succeed in making Baldur immortal, but if she does—she can’t. I’ll have to stop her.   
***  
Frigga’s back. Baldur’s immortal now. Everyone thinks it’s funny! They think it’s a game! Try to kill Baldur and watch him laugh it off, ha ha, so fun, NOT! People aren’t meant to live forever; it’s not good for us, and it won’t be good for Baldur in the long run. What am I supposed to do now?  
***  
Loki goes to see Frigga. But since she doesn’t generally like talking to him when she knows it’s him, and he likes causing drama, he pretends to be one of her friends.   
“Freya! How are you doing today?” Frigga invites Loki in calmly.  
“I’m fine, I was wondering if you have time to talk about Baldur. It’s just, it makes me nervous when the gods try to hurt him, because I know that he thinks he is safe, and I know they think he is safe, but are you really sure that he won’t get hurt?”   
Frigga smiles at Loki condescendingly. “Yes, I’m sure, Freya. I made everything that could possibly hurt Baldur swear not to hurt him, so he is completely safe.”  
“But—aren’t you worried that you missed something? I mean, you can’t have found everything—“  
“Of course I found everything,” Frigga frowned. “Do you think that I wouldn’t make sure when my son’s life is at stake? The only thing that didn’t swear was a scrawny little shrub in the mountains that is probably dead already, it was certainly dying when I saw it. I think it was called mistletoe? But even if it didn’t die, it’s too small and weak to hurt anyone, much less Baldur.”  
“I’m sure you’re right.” Loki grins at Frigga and leaves.  
***  
Loki goes home to think.   
Am I going to do this? I can’t exactly undo what Frigga did to make Baldur immortal, so…the only way to stop the gods from trying to become immortal is to kill Baldur. I know how now, I just need to find some mistletoe. But should I?  
He can hear his wife, Sigyn, moving around in the next room. Their two sons, Vali and Nari, are sleeping, he thinks.   
Can I leave them behind if this goes wrong? But I have four other children that are gone because of Odin and his wife’s stupid dreams. Sleipnir: enslaved; Fenrir: imprisoned and tortured; Jormungandr: banished; Hel: banished. Just because Frigga dreamed that they would kill Odin and Thor some day. Well, after what Odin has done to them, I want to kill him. And I’m getting really tired of Frigga’s prophecies.   
Odin will find an excuse to hurt my family eventually, so trying to behave is pointless. Baldur’s immortality is an insult to anyone who acknowledges how the world works. My daughter, Hel, is the queen of the dead, and what kind of father would I be if I let the gods protect themselves from her?  
***  
Loki retraces Frigga’s footsteps and finds the mistletoe that she considered harmless. It was stronger than she had thought, and nothing is harmless if it is used correctly.   
***  
After a few weeks, because Loki wanted to give everyone enough time to get used to Baldur’s newfound immortality, he brings a mistletoe dart to the next meeting. A new tradition has started where all the gods and goddesses throw weapons and rocks and random objects that happen to be nearby at Baldur so that they can watch everything bounce off. Apparently they find it fascinating. Loki thinks they are all idiots, but hey, even idiots can be helpful sometimes.   
Loki looks around. Over there, perfect! Hӧd is one of the older gods who was blinded in some heroic battle a century or two ago. He still comes to all the meetings, but no one really pays attention to him most of the time.   
“Hӧd! Why aren’t you throwing anything at Baldur? Come on, it’s just a game.” Loki grins at the grumpy man.  
“I can’t see Baldur, you imbecile! I’m not going to throw things at someone I can’t see, and anyway, I don’t have anything to throw.” Hӧd glared.  
“Here, I’ll show you. Stand here, no, turn left, stop! Right there. Baldur is about ten feet in front of you, and here’s something to throw. It’s just a twig, but it’ll work.”  
Hӧd throws the mistletoe dart and almost smiles when he hears everyone fall silent.   
“Did I hit him?”  
Loki sneaks out the side door.  
“What’s going on?” Hӧd asks, twisting from side to side. “What happened?”  
Frigga screams and runs at Hӧd in fury. “You killed my son! You wretch, you killed my son!”  
“What! I didn’t mean—I’m sorry—It wasn’t my fault!” Hӧd stammers. “It was Loki!”  
***  
That could have gone better. Sigyn isn’t speaking to me, and Thor tried to smash my head in when I stopped by the next meeting. No one else seemed inclined to stop him. I think I’ll avoid the meetings for a while, they are rather hazardous for my health.  
***  
Because Frigga refuses to admit that her son is gone for good, and no one is brave enough to try to stop her, she spends the next few weeks looking for a way to bring Baldur back. She knows that Baldur is in the land of the dead, which is ruled by Loki’s daughter Hel, and so Frigga sends one of her other sons to bargain with Hel for Baldur’s life. Her son, who insists that everyone call him Hermod-the-Bold, confidently sets off to find the land of the dead.   
Loki watches Hermod-the-Bold leave and snickers. Odin threw Hel out to die simply because she looked like a monster and it was possible that she might attack the gods someday. True, she survived and has done well, but he can’t imagine that she will be very sympathetic to Odin’s son.  
Apparently ruling the land of the dead is more boring than Loki thought. Hel made a deal. Hermod-the-Melodramatic told Hel that everyone misses Baldur so much that they are going to die of broken hearts if she doesn’t give him back. Hel decides that if everyone in the world mourns for Baldur, she will give him back, and Hermod-the-Hopelessly-Optimistic came hurrying back to share the good news.   
There is no way that everyone misses Baldur that much. I’m sure there are people somewhere who secretly hated him, or at least don’t know about him. Right?   
The gods, led by Frigga, go out through the world asking everyone to mourn for Baldur.  
A million people left. No problem.  
500,000 people left. Surely there’s at least one person out there.  
100,000 people left. Maybe?  
50,000 people left. Possibly?  
10,000 people left. Anyone?  
1000 people left. Come on! Someone!  
100 people left. Okay, this is bad.  
10 people left. Why does killing someone have to be this hard!  
1 person left. Oh. That’s me.   
If the gods know that I’m the one who both killed Baldur and stopped him from coming back, they’ll probably kill me. So—they can’t find out it was me.  
***  
Loki finds a satisfactorily miserable cave near where the mistletoe grows and changes into a giantess just in time for the gods to find him. Her. The gods have a perpetual feud with the giants, so as long as Loki isn’t insulting enough for them to try to kill him, his obstinance won’t be surprising. Loki is amazed that they managed to convince the other giants so quickly, though as he looks around, the highly visible weaponry might have had something to do with it. The gods. Always so friendly.  
The giantess waits silently for the gods to finish their spiel about Baldur’s gloriousness and wisdom and general niceness and then says no.  
“Why should I care about your precious Baldur? As I recall, he has killed quite a few of my kin in his so-called valiant battles, and while you may consider him to be noble and all that, I see no reason to cry over his death. Besides, he can’t be that amazing or no one would have tried to kill him.”  
“It—We—it was Loki! If you know anything about Loki you know that he’s always trying to cause trouble—“  
Fair enough.  
“—and hurt people—“  
Only people who deserve it. Or who are particularly annoying. Or who are in my way.  
“—and no one likes him!”  
Oh. Okay then. And people wonder why I don’t like the gods.  
Loki sighs. “My answer is no.”  
It is rather nice listening to the gods beg and plead, but when they start threatening, Loki vanished.  
***  
They are waiting for Loki when he goes home a few weeks later. No explicit threats yet, but the gods have never been terribly subtle. They know Loki was the giantess. He doesn’t know how, but they know, and they want him to fix everything. He can’t! Hel rescinded her offer when Loki-the-giantess refused to mourn for Baldur, so even if he wanted to bring Baldur back, he can’t now. Loki doesn’t know any more about immortality than any of the other gods, so the only way for Baldur to come back is for Hel to give him back, and while Loki is Hel’s father, she has never forgiven him for letting Odin banish her. Never mind that he tried to stop Odin, never mind that he helped her become queen of the dead, he has never been the best father and he knows it. If he asked her to return Baldur, she would probably refuse out of spite. At least, that’s what Loki would do.  
The problem with being known as a liar is that no one believes Loki when he says he can’t help. Telling them that he wouldn’t help even if he could probably doesn’t help, but Loki’s never been known for his tact. In fact, he usually takes pride in his ability to offend anyone, but right now he just wants them to leave him alone.  
So he runs.   
His young sons wave after him as he leaves them behind. They are safer away from him.   
So he runs.  
The gods chase him. They’ve given up on helping Baldur, but they won’t stop until Loki pays.  
So he runs.  
The thing about Loki is that he has helped almost everyone at some time or other, but he also has caused trouble or hurt everyone at some other time, and that is what they remember. No one will help.  
So he runs.  
***  
Loki can’t run any farther, so he finds a river in the mountains near the thriving mistletoe bush and hides there. There is nowhere for him to go as himself, but he is a shapeshifter after all. If he can’t be Loki, if he can’t be a god, then he’ll be something else. How about a fish? Baldur liked fish. Maybe the gods won’t be able to catch him if he’s a fish.  
While Loki is hoping that the gods won’t find him anytime soon, he tries to figure out how to make himself safer by guessing at how the gods will try to catch him. When he has come up with solutions for every attack that he thinks the gods might try, he gets bored and invents new ways to catch himself.   
I think that if I was in charge of the hunt, I’d weave ropes together to make some kind of net and put it at that curve in the river. Maybe I should do it and see if it works?   
Just as Loki finishes making the net, the gods come into sight. Panicked, Loki throws the net into the fire, jumps into the river, and changes into a fish.  
Stupid, stupid, stupid! Don’t see the net, don’t see the net, please! Uh—don’t grab the net? It’s on fire. Now Thor’s on fire. That looks like it hurts. Maybe the rope is too burnt to work? Nope.   
After a great deal of speed swimming, a few near-misses with the nearby waterfall, and a lot of collateral damage in the local fish population, the gods use Loki’s net to catch him. They take him back to the gods’ castle. Someone added more gargoyles to the entrance, but no one appreciates Loki’s critique of the decor as he is marched past the threatening statues.  
Odin and Frigga are waiting for Loki. So are Sigyn and his sons. Vali is almost as tall as Loki now, and so he has been telling everyone that he’s a grown up now, but he looks small next to the guards that surround Loki’s family. Nari is hiding behind Vali, because he is convinced that his big brother can do anything, so he’s not worried about the guards as long as Vali’s there. Sigyn won’t make eye contact with anyone. Loki looks away from them and stares challengingly at Odin.   
“Loki.” Odin intones. “You killed Baldur and kept us from bringing him back. You shamed us in front of the whole world. You are a murderer and a liar. And this is all on top of the many previous crimes you have committed. We have always forgiven you before, but no longer. We cannot allow you to continue creating trouble for the gods. Therefore, you will be imprisoned in a cave beneath the mountains until the end of time.”  
Loki blinks. “Aren’t you even going to let me explain? I was trying—“  
“Do you repent? Will you bring back Baldur?”  
“What? No! I can’t, but it was—“  
“Then what can possibly excuse your actions? No, you will not escape punishment this time. And to make sure no one else will behave the way you have, you will be bound to a rock and a venomous serpent will be hung over your head. And—watch—“ Odin turns to the center of the room where the guards have dragged Vali and Nari, Loki’s two sons.   
Loki turns, confused, in time to see a visiting magician change Vali into a wolf. Wait, what? Vali seems to be feral, and Loki realizes what Odin has planned just a moment before Vali lunges forward and rips out Nari’s throat. The gods watch in silence—except for Loki and Sigyn and the guards holding them back—as Nari is shredded. Only when Vali steps back from Nari’s body and starts looking menacingly at Frigga does the magician change Vali back into his normal body.   
Vali freezes, still staring at Frigga, then turns to look at where his brother had been standing. The guards are still wary of the tall boy, and a few of them have their spears leveled at him. Vali kneels beside his brother for a moment, then stands up and walks into one of the guards’ spears.  
***  
They take Loki and his sons’ bodies to the promised cave and use Vali and Nari’s intestines to tie Loki to a rock. He thinks he sees Sigyn at the back of the crowd of gawkers, but then the snake is put in place and he can’t see anything because the first drops of acid fall into his eyes. Loki heals very quickly, and the gods made sure that the snake wouldn’t actually kill him, but perpetual agony sounds less appealing than death, and it has only been a few minutes so far. He thinks. It’s rather hard to tell how long it has been. Is anyone still there? Loki opens his mouth to ask but acid falls into his mouth and he screams instead. Drip. Drip. He thinks the worst part might be knowing that he won’t die. He wants to die already. Drip. And not being able to do anything? If he ever gets free, the gods will pay! Drip. Everyone will pay!  
Suddenly the acid stops falling on him. It takes a long time for his eyes to work again, but eventually he sees Sigyn standing over him holding a large bowl to catch the acid. She won’t look at him, and she is crying. He opens his mouth to say something, he’s not sure what, and she turns and walks away.   
Drip.  
“Sigyn?”  
Drip.  
She comes back with the bowl empty again. They wait in silence as the bowl fills.   
Every time she leaves to empty the bowl, it takes longer. But she always comes back. So far.  
Drip.  
“Sigyn?”  
Drip.  
“Are you still there?”  
Drip.  
“Say something!”  
Drip.  
Help.  
Drip.  
Please.  
Drip.

Drip.  
Anyone.  
Drip.

Drip.

Drip.


End file.
